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Fantasy Football Week 7 Predictions and Prognostications.

Alrighty. First & foremost, we are going to look at the bottom feeders first and work our way up to the top records for the breakdowns of the matchups. But, before we dive into that, we need to stress how crucial this week is to some teams. Namely, all the 2-4 teams. If you fall to 2-5, the writing is on the wall for some hail marys and maybe a sacrifice to the fantasy gods. If you are sub .500 after this week, it is going to be a long climb to get back into playoff picture, especially since this league only takes 4 teams. Just Saying.

Let’s Do This! OFFICE STYLE!

In the “Kevin” game of the week, the game that is a little special and some people think mildly retarded. On the plus side, both teams love M & M’s and can imitate Cookie Monster to a tee, which doesn’t really help so much in fantasy football but is fun at parties. It pits Calvin & the Chipmunks (2-4) versus Team Rooster (3-3).
Holy Bye Week Alvin! Max Hall & Donovan get the QB starts along with such stalwarts as Ray Rice, Mendenhall & T.O. Whereas the Roosters have Vince Young & Hines Ward, which is nice. This looks to be a total walkover for Alvin & Theodore. We think both teams will hang onto playoff slim hopes at 3-4. If Chipmunks lose this, then they can hit the lights on the way out.
Chipmunks – 108 Rooster – 90

In the “Andy” matchup of the week. :@ You also BONUS Emoticon Craziness! 😦 Your Welcome. 🙂 Two teams you want to love because they are so adorable, but alas have trouble controlling angry outbursts and both may have been in accapella groups. Danny may have been in the “Treble Makers” and Rachel alledgedly was in “The Do-Re-Migos”. Both have denied repeated requests for interviews and have had agent tell us no comment, although Danny sent us a “Sext” of his schmekel. 😦 Its Malcolm in the Middle (2-4) still harboring the LeSean “Shady” McCoy curse battling Resurrected Team RC (3-3). 😉
We are still struggling with the Garrard, Kolb, Henne & Shaun Hill Quad Rollercoaster, but alas, Hill broke his arm and Garrard is ruled out as well, so that makes it easy! yay! :> Looking at the players names scheduled to start for both teams makes me sad. 😦 But looking at Team RC’s player matchups versus the opposing teams makes me suicidal. :@ I mean its bad enough that Chris Johnson is finally starting to get back to his old ways of scoring MAD Fantasy points, and then he faces Philly D. Ouch. Kolb plays Tennessee and Henne faces the Steelers. Double Ouch. ;( Well, this looks like a necessary salvation for Malcolm and his Middling middletons by default, unless LeSean pulls out his Evil McCoy and lends credibility to my ramblings about his curse. 🙂 We’ll see what happens, but we think that Malcolm keeps playoff hopes alive.
Malcom – 89 RC – 87

The “Dwight” matchup is so predictable. FACT. Peyton manning is on a bye. FACT. Colt McCoy is not Peyton manning. FACT. Jay Cutler is going to get blitzed every play and eat more grass then an obese bovine or a Golden Retriever with the runs. Team EV’s All-Stars (2-4) versus Romo & Juliet (4-2) FACT. The biggest suspense here is that R & J has 3 players playing on Monday night, so we will have to wait until tuesday to see how many points they lose by. That’s right, upset pick of the week! Looking at both rosters and the player matchups we just have this feeling that EV pulls this one off. Cedric Benson will DO WORK & we think Percy harvin will show up against Green Bay! Speaking of Green Bay, the highest priced free agent in the history of SRQ 2010 (which is 6 games long, but including last season as well), Brandon Jackson is riding the pine! He got LeSean’d! Or Favre’d in the A. Doh.
Alright, here goes nothing. FALSE!
EV – 103 R & J – 99

The “Jim” matchup. On Paper this looks even keeled and professional, but alas these goofy bastards are always laying in the weeds waiting to flick someone in the forehead or glue the phone to the handset. Classic Jim Hijinx! So in the spirit of whoopee cushions and cream pies, its The Big Benbowski (2-4) heads up against Team Motor Boating (4-2). This is the week when Motor Boating gets to brag a little. We think his team has the appropriate matchups to dominate. Turner the Burner & DeAngelo, two of the Fantasy worlds most underachieving and depressing RB’s look to go off this week and the Killer B’s (Brady & Bradford against porous Pass Defenses) are set to DO WORK! Now, don’t jump to conclusions too quickly, but Benbowski has some less then desirable situations even though they are the survivors of the league in our eyes. We still think their calculator ends up in jello.

Motor Boating – 124 Benbowski – 86

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The “Michael Scott” matchup of the week. The Boss. The Big Cheese. The Top Banana. The Godfather. Michael Corleone. King of the Clowns. This contest is like watching two powerful rams battle on the side of a mountain cliff. Longhorn Ironman (4-2) battling Team Submission (4-2). The winner will stand proudly at 5-2 and look primed for playoff preparations while the loser has to put their mouth piece back in and go to work. This has super close matchup written all over it. This is one of those contests that may actually come down to Defense performance and kickers. Tough to call on paper. In all confidence we are just homers and like the player matchups of the Ironman over the Submission. Although the 50% theory for AP and Phillip Rivers still holds true enough that it could affect the contest.

Ironman – 125 Submission – 117

Separation Week Commences now! Get your popcorn ready!